Validating vs. Dismissing Emotions: How to Help Your Child Feel Heard
Have you ever found yourself saying things like “You’re fine.” “It’s not a big deal.” or “Just calm down.” when your child is upset? If so, you’re not alone. As parents, we often try to make things better by minimizing big emotions. But here’s the thing—when kids feel dismissed, their emotions don’t disappear. They just get bigger.
Why Kids Need Emotional Validation
When a child is struggling with big emotions, they don’t need us to fix how they feel. They need us to understand it. Emotional validation teaches kids that:
Their feelings are real and important
It’s okay to feel big emotions
They can work through tough feelings with support
On the other hand, when kids feel dismissed, they may:
Get louder or more upset trying to get you to listen
Start shutting down and keeping feelings inside
Struggle with managing emotions because they never learned how to handle them
Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with your child’s feelings or giving in—it means acknowledging that what they’re feeling is real.
How to Validate Instead of Dismiss Emotions
🚫 Instead of dismissing: “You’re fine, it’s not a big deal.”
✅ Try validating: “I see you’re really upset. That makes sense.”
🚫 Instead of dismissing: “Stop crying. It’s nothing to be upset about.”
✅ Try validating: “That was really frustrating, huh? I get why you’re upset.”
🚫 Instead of dismissing: “You’re overreacting.”
✅ Try validating: “This feels really big to you right now. I’m here to help.”
🚫 Instead of dismissing: “It’s not a big deal, you’ll be fine.”
✅ Try validating: “It’s okay to feel disappointed. Do you want to talk about it?”
The Power of Validation
When we validate emotions, kids don’t stay upset longer—they feel safe and supported, which helps them calm down faster. It teaches them that emotions aren’t bad or scary, and that they are capable of working through them.
