Slow Down the Spiral: How Counting to 10 Helps Kids Cope with Anxiety

You know the moment.

Your child is suddenly overwhelmed—eyes wide, voice raised, heart racing. Maybe it’s a math worksheet, an unexpected change in plans, or simply putting on the “wrong” socks.

Their anxiety takes over—and your heart starts racing too.

As a parent, it’s hard to know what to do when your child’s anxiety seems to hijack their body and brain. You want to help, but nothing you say seems to land. Logic doesn’t work. Soothing feels impossible. And you’re left thinking:

“How can I help them calm down before things spiral out of control?”

One simple strategy that works across ages and situations? Counting to 10.

Why Counting Works for Anxiety

Anxiety pulls the brain into “fight or flight” mode. It’s fast, reactive, and focused on danger—real or imagined. When your child is anxious, they’re no longer accessing the part of the brain that helps them think clearly or solve problems.

Counting gives the brain something neutral and predictable to focus on.

It’s like an emotional speed bump—slowing the momentum of anxious thoughts just enough to let calm in.

🚨 Parent Pain Point: “But my child won’t stop long enough to count!”

Totally valid. Many kids resist coping tools at first—especially if they’re already overwhelmed. That’s why it’s important to practice this skill when they’re calm and talk about it in a way that feels safe and doable.

Here’s how you can introduce and reinforce counting to 10 as a go-to calming strategy.

Parenting Scripts to Teach Counting as a Coping Skill:

For Young Kids (Ages 3–7):

Introduce the skill when your child is calm: “Sometimes when we feel mad or scared, our brain goes really fast. Want to learn a magic trick to slow it down? We count to 10 like this… let’s try together!”

In the moment of distress:“Let’s count to 10 together. I’ll start with 1… you do the next one.” Or: “Can you show me 10 fingers while we breathe?”

Play-based practice: Use a stuffed animal and say, “Teddy’s feeling worried. Let’s help him feel calm. Can we count to 10 and take deep breaths with him?”

Bonus idea: Make a colorful “count to 10” poster or use beads/buttons to help visualize each number.

For Older Kids (Ages 8–12+):

Normalize the need for calming tools: “Even grown-ups feel anxious sometimes. One thing that really helps is counting slowly to 10. It gives your brain a second to reset.”

Practice in low-stress moments: “Let’s try something. Imagine you’re feeling nervous before a test. Take a deep breath, and count to 10 in your head. Did you notice anything change?”

In the moment of anxiety: “Your thoughts are going fast—I get it. Can we pause and count to 10 together just to slow things down?” Or: “Try counting backward from 10. That helps your brain focus on something else for a second.”

Bonus tip: Some older kids respond well to calming audio that counts aloud or uses rhythm to anchor their breath.

Make It Stick: Practice Before the Panic

The best time to introduce coping skills is when your child is already calm. Make it a game. Model it yourself. Practice it when they’re just a little frustrated—not in full meltdown mode.

The more your child practices counting to 10 when they’re calm, the more likely they are to use it when they really need it.

Final Thought

Counting to 10 may seem simple, but don’t underestimate its power.

In moments when emotions feel too big and everything seems out of control, this small act of slowing down can create just enough space for your child to breathe, regroup, and feel safe.

It’s not a fix-all—but it’s a start. And for anxious kids, learning that they can do something to help themselves? That’s a huge win.